I can’t unsee that.

I am a bit of an obsessive behavior watcher…in both people and dogs. So when I suddenly had all this time on my hands it didn’t take long to notice the behavior changes in my own dogs. For the last handful of years my own dogs experienced two big moves, the loss of their furry brother, lots of changes and inconsistency, significant emotional turmoil in their Mom, as well as their own medical changes as they aged. Throughout those years their anxiety reached an all time high, it felt like we were constantly going backwards in their training. I felt like I was not helping them or supporting them in the way I needed to, but could not figure out how to undo what had been done. They had lived with other dogs coming and going from their home since we purchased it in 2022.

I had been struggling so hard to support their behavior and anxiety, making progress forward only for life to come in and send us backwards. Anyone that has lived with dogs with anxiety can relate to the struggle and hardships that come with supporting them and trying to improve their way of life. Supporting struggling dogs is so mentally taxing, not only because it requires you to be “on” and aware to best support them but also because it is heartbreaking watching the beings you love suffer in that way.

Within days of our house being empty the anxiety behaviors I had been trying to deal with (pacing, constant whining when separated from me, destruction of things, etc) nearly vanished. Suddenly I was calmer, and they immediately were too.

It hit my like a truck then. Just how much my dogs had been trying to tell me the lifestyle we were living was not right for them. They made it clear they no longer wanted other dogs in our home or space, and they needed more from me than what was “left over” after caring for everyone else’s dog. The guilt I felt was insurmountable. I was not only their “Mom” but I was a professional in the industry and my own dogs got the bare minimum from me for the last several years. It broke me again. They deserved so much more than that, and I was going to ensure that they would have that going forward. I couldn’t unsee the changes in their wellbeing with me being home and available to them.

As I continued to heal from my injury I spent hours resting and reflecting. I became a neighborhood ornament, sitting in my Adirondack chair on my little stoop with my dogs and cat lounging or exploring around the front yard or sleeping by my chair enjoying our calm together. That summer was by far the most peaceful I have ever experienced and I will forever cherish the time we spent together, just healing.

Healing from all the chaos that we had lived through, healing from the burnout out that had nearly destroyed our bodies, healing from injuries both physical and mental. The more we healed we became the more peace we found.

When my knee was back to normal, we started our hikes and adventures together. The woods have always been our place, but through the daycare work I had been doing the woods became less and less a place of peace and more a place of work. Hiking the other dogs had become a point of anxiety for me, simply because of all the things that could go wrong at any moment. I have worked in the dog industry for the past 16 years. In that time I have learned loads of great an amazing things, but I have also learned about all the potential things that could go wrong at any moment. All the things that COULD go wrong, ran through my mind on loop as I obsessively watched the dogs behavior for any signs of change or warning. I am grateful that through my career I have successfully kept hundreds of dogs safe, but that anxiety takes such a huge mental tax on a person.

I was unwilling to lose our woods, so was Quinn, our senior Weimaraner who practically grew up in them having taken woods walks since she was a baby. She needed the woods just as much as I did, we needed to find a love and peace there again. So that’s what we did, we went to the woods everyday we could that summer, I will forever be grateful for not only those walks with her but also for the rejuvenated love of all things nature.

Not only did my anxiety ease, it gave me clarity and calm to continue to think about how I could transition my business out of daycare and boarding and into something that required less of me handling the dogs individually but still provided enough income to support our little family. I needed a new plan to utilize the building I had just leased…no pressure or anything.