How dog training saved my life, and hopefully yours too.
Written By Shelby Coolidge
What a way to introduce myself right?! I can’t deny its truth though, my knowledge of dog training saved my life. It’s more than that though, it healed my life and has allowed me to manage my mental and physical health. It transformed poor habits into healthy and fun ones, sustainable ones. Habits I look forward to. It changed the entire trajectory of my life.
Karen Pryor once said “One possible application of reinforcement training is reinforcing yourself. This is something often neglected to do, partly because it doesn’t occur to us and partly because we demand a lot more of ourselves than we would others.” This woman was a genius. Thank you Karen for all the work that you did and the discoveries you made, rest easy Queen.
TRIGGER WARNING: This blog is a VERY personal account of my life and experiences. It includes references to sex, childhood SA (not depicted) lots of swears, dark humor, references to suicidal ideation, and general “inappropriate” nonsense. If you do not wish to know that much about me this blog is not for you. This blog is for educational purposes through personal experiences but does not replace any medical or professional advise when it comes to mental health or behavioral concerns with your dog. You may wonder throughout this blog wondering what does talking about your sex life have to do with dog training? What does your trauma dumping have to do with my behaviorally challenged dog? Somewhere points are being made, trust the process. But this is a journey, and should you withstand the traumatic events and cringy moments there is learning and knowledge sprinkled about like M & Ms. Or skittles if you aren’t a chocolate person…or gummy worms because that is my preference.
My life was pretty typical I believe, grew up in a religious family. “Church raised” was a term I learned when visiting the South. They prided themselves on traditional values, and being a “complete” family that stuck together, no matter the cost. Everything considered taboo, kept hushed. Appearances must be up kept. This family was not without love, but like every family there was also challenges.
One of which was mental health, we did not talk about what that was or how to cope with it, instead we witnessed its destruction. We did not communicate at all if I am being honest, not directly and not information that mattered. This is not said as a dig at my family or anyones, but an observation of general lack of information in regards so many things at that time, including mental health. Due to the lack of information and lack of conversation I went through most of my life suffering in silence about the thoughts and feelings that plagued my mind day in and day out.
Never wanting to be anyone’s burden, like others I witnessed, I masked it. I hide everything I was, and everything I felt and put on a happy face. I became an expert at hiding the truth that lie beneath. I put others before my own wellbeing, hoping it would buy me the love and attention I desperately craved. I said yes to everything, because I believed I needed to be helpful to be loved. That I needed to achieve to have value, but I rarely achieved. I believed that staying quiet and helpful and following instructions was the only way to receive love. Mix in some garden variety childhood trauma and you get very messy, mentally. When you do not have the skills or tools or understanding of what is “wrong” with you it can bring you to some really dark places…I am grateful to be here, I am grateful for this new life I have created.
Without the healthy coping tools I adapted some really unhealthy ones, the most obvious being significant weight gain. At my heaviest I was almost 300 pounds, I was severely depressed, in deep burnout, angry, tired, lonely, sad. I was in a really low place I called “the hole”. When my wedding photos came back I cried, I hated every single one. When I finally got the courage to see a doctor (after many, many years avoiding) I cried so hard again, when she announced my weight and gentle asked if it concerned me.
I broke in that office. Embarrassed, ashamed, feeling like gum on the bottom of a shoe. Not just because of my weight, but because I was now “causing a scene” at the doctors office. My breakdown had to be making them uncomfortable right? They did not show it, they were kind and supportive. Weird.
I knew I needed to make changes, but I historically had been so unsuccessful I had no confidence in myself or my ability to change. I knew I needed to do something different. I had to find something that would work for me. I left that appointment with meds to stabilize my mood and a hesitant determination. It was the first time in my life, I was being treated for my mental health.
I found an app called Noom, to help me lose weight. I started therapy, and I started working on myself. This app asked you to login for 10-15 mins per day and you could learn to change your habits around food. I committed to the challenge. The articles and exercises were incredibly useful and let me know I wasn’t alone in my habits or at fault, but that change was up to me. It gave me easy to digest information, in bite size pieces and I found I wasn’t getting overwhelmed. Even better I felt like I was absorbing the information, and even recalling it to share with those seeing my progress. There were tips and tricks I could apply right away to make it easier. The minimal commitment time got me hooked on the app. I wanted to do everything right, and I was seeing real progress. I lost 85 pounds on that program, ran a half marathon…almost, and joined CrossFit. I had been actually successful at something. And I felt…confident? Weird.
At this point you may be wondering what any of this has to do with dog training, and as Elle Woods said “I have a point, I promise” but the details in this story will be important. So should you choose to continue this journey with me come back for Part 2 of how dog training saved my life.
