Fuck Fear.
I often “forget” that I love this. This writing thing. Really, I am avoiding using my voice, I have again forgotten that I had one. I forgot that I am good at this, that my voice has space to be heard. That the lessons I have learned and the experiences I have had hold value, and I am meant to share that value with you. I’m re-learning and reminding myself though, so bear with me…
Massive change and life upheaval feels like a mental bull ride. Your new habits and routines clenching their thighs and buttholes trying to hold strong, as your nervous system’s desire for safety and familiarity bucks and spits, raging war for the old ways of comfort. The unknown that comes with identity and behavior change is “too risky” for our brains to accept willingly, so it fights. Will you be able to hold your seat? Or will life’s challenges buck you off to start again Monday?
In the several years leading up to my rodeo days I had been training, for what, I truly didn’t know. But I worked hard building my mental muscles, my self awareness, my self love, rep after rep on new neuro pathways, I hit many obstacles along the way but I was mentally stronger than I had ever been, and closer to my most authentic me.
The old way of life had me 85+ pounds heavier, struggling with depression, and other undiagnosed mental health and trauma. I walked through life with a massive lack of confidence, inability to speak my truth, fear of failure and a belief in it’s inevitability when it came to me, a belief I was unable to learn in a traditional manner, and a struggle to express not repress my emotions until the kettle runneth over. The list goes on, but you get the point. I was unwell. I was masking, I was hiding.
Through trial and error I got myself to a much healthier weight and into the best my body has looked so far. I have a new love for many healthier foods I never expected to even try never mind like. My depression is not gone but episodes nearly vanished, I enjoy moving my body, I found peace and happiness and now have a growth mindset. So many more things changed for the better, and I intend to share all the things but one step at a time. Patience Pants, precious reader.
Why should you want to know the story? Well, because the things I have learned through my career as a dog trainer and by using myself as a guinea pig have potentially life changing effects. My life’s mission, to share that with you. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, grow from there. Take what resignates, leave what doesn’t, and find your way to your happiest life. Also, I am funny as fuck...in the IMPOSSIBLE scenario where I don’t somehow teach you something with my ramblings I will at least make you laugh.
If you have seen anything I’ve posted about my life prior, you may be thinking…Why the FUCK would I take advise from a 34 yr old woman, who left what could possibly be considered the worlds nicest man, who lives out of her car, works DoorDash to support herself and her one year old daughter, Sriracha, as a single dog mom. If you didn’t know that, welcome to my Rodeo Friend, yeehaw.
Seriously though, the things I have learned have taught me to bring awareness to myself in a way that allows me to support new habits, grow, adapt and change for the better. It has taught me how to prevent overwhelm, regulate my emotions, reduce friction, and set myself up for success and growth in my goals. I learned to replace fixed habits with growth habits in incremental steps that allow me to be successful more often than not and build habits in at a rate that allows for longevity and sustainability. I learned to love myself through failure, mistakes, embarrassment, rejection, heartbreak. I learned that I am capable of building the life I had previously believed was out of reach.
No one will force you to keep reading, to download any of the materials I share or create, or follow along on this journey through social media. But if you do…it might just change your life. And I am totally here for it. Welcome, Friend I am so happy you are here.
